My minds gone blank. Sorry. D

I'm thinking I want to volunteer next year for a few months. Why is it so darn expensive. I have been thinking about it for a while, and this time next year I will have no monthly debt repayments so i don't need to earn an income. I caught an episode of Oprah the other morning and there was a story by a lady from India who when she was young was sold into slavery and it made me think about volunteering in India. I'd also be happy to do anything, from teaching to building to farming. But I have one question: why is it so expensive?!

I mean, it's cheaper to go travelling which I am now thinking is a better option, then maybe along the way I can help out somewhere. To me it is non-sensical. I understand there are costs to be covered, and I am of course happy to pay visa, flights, rent, administrative costs, but I refuse to pay a weekly sum to volunteer. Does that make me a bad person?

I'm so freakin' hungover I really can't be arsed to write anything else. I've got the shakes, none of my limbs seem to be functioning and I'm so so so tired.

There are people that make you happy without them even knowing it. Whenever I go into the Family Mart on the corner of the street the same lady is always in there. She must work long hours as she is often there when I leave for work, and when I return home. She doesn't speak English, I don't (yet) speak Korean, but so is so friendly. I just went and purchased some crisps and she gave me a bundle of ketchup sachets (not sure why). I don't even have to ask for cigarettes anymore, she just reaches in automatically and puts them on the counter. Now this may not seem like much but in a country where you receive a lot of looks and laughs for being a foreigner it is a welcome relief.

I was sat round the corner from where I work smoking a cigarette and this old man, maybe in his 70's walks past pulling a trolley and gives me a big grin and points and me, then his heart and shakes his head. I nod my head in agreement - smoking is bad. This really made me smile because for a female to be smoking in korea is frowned upon, but he was more concerned with the health risks then the person that was smoking the cigarette, which was a welcome relief.

I still haven't figured Korea out yet. I've already said it is very different from Japan. The people, the culture, it's all different. It varies from extreme rudeness, mild rudeness to helpful and kind. Maybe in a few more months I will have a better average.

Oh, and the humidity has vanished. It happened on Tuesday. A cooler breeze now fills the air but it means the natural curl in my hair that the humidity sets off has fallen flat and my hair is like a rats tail again. All hail the summer, come on through!

In a flat mood today, I was up very early, had a long day and the worst day at work so far and have had some abnormal leg shakings when I walk. Psycho? Uh-huh.

Oh, hello! How are ya?

I am chillin' like a villain. My god, what an awful phrase.

I am sitting watching a style programme in Korean. I cannot understand a word, but I can't be arsed to turn the television off. It's the background to my life. Is that bad? I should be listening to music really but the music player is hidden in my bag and that's miles away from where I am and now I am sitting soooo ... can I reach for it? No. Because it involves getting up.

I wish I still had the energy of a child. When laziness doesn't really enter your head and you are excited about everything and you throw yourself into everything without a care in the world.

Then you hit school and suddenly image is everything because it becomes a survival technique. You have to have the right bag to carry your PE Kit around. When I was at school it was River Island or TopShop. God help you if you carried your sports kit around in a Sainsburys carrier bag. Or maybe I was just succeptable (argh - spelling?!) to it. I think it is all a confidence thing. If you had a River Island bag you just blended in. The Sainsburys bag, with a bunch of confidence and a loud personality would see you through. A Sainsburys bag with no persoanlity meant you were, well, doomed.

Who are these people? What are they doing now, the bullys? When Friends Reunited first started someone sent round an invitation to try and sort out a school reunion. Erm, hello, you were one of the least liked people in our year. Who's going to be stupid enough to go to anything you organise?

One thing I love about Facebook is seeing how people are doing now, what they look like, etc. The unpopular ones are now blossoming and the popular ones, well, jsut look pretty rough. I guess it's a karma thing. I was pretty average then and pretty average now. Though I do wonder how personalities have changed. Are the annoying ones still annoying, are the funny ones still funny? It's hard to tell whether these personality traits were just labelled on others by a few, and as an average student like me and others like me, just followed with these personality traits or decided them on our own. Because when I think back now some of the funny ones you laughed at weren't actually funny, they were complete idiots, but you laughed because everyone else was laughing.

Oh, I guess I sound like a complete follower, completely meek unable to stand up myself and unable to stand up for others. That's not completely true so please don't judge too quickly!

It's funny how often, through life, we try to be accepted, to be liked. There are days when all you want to do is fit in because you want an easy time, and there are days when you really want to stnad out and really don't care. Up and down, peaks and valleys. We are never constant.

I, for instance, often worry about the little things that woouldn't ever enter the minds of others. I remember once going through a phase of complete nervousness with automtic doors. In M&S, walking up to them, praying they would open. Please open, I would implore, so I wouldn't look stupid. Then because I had been thiking about it so much the doors would open and I would physically jump because I was in such a high state of nervousness. Now it's not something that would even enter my head. If the doors didn't work, you go out another door. The worlds not likely to end is it. I guess it's similar to confronting your fears. I mean, what do you think is going to happen? Will you die? Probably not. Will you suffer some humiliation? Maybe. Will you get over the humiliation? Of course.

Our minds are fickle instruments, often not working the way we want them to. And if you have no confidence? Fake it. It's amazing the reception you get.

Sorry, now I have started, I can't stop. I remember going on a works drinks night out when I worked for a privately owned company where a lot of the people were up their own arse. I would stand on the sidelines. Everyone is saying 'c'mon, join in'. The point was, I didn't want to. I didn't like a lot of the conversation, it wasn't interesting, and I didn't like many of the people. Why did I go? Exactly ... this is what I am now thinking. But then it was like I got labelled with no confidence in social situations and I was like jeez, don't you people realise it's because you're dull?

Anyway, essay over. FINALLY!!

Well hello, long time of no chat with oneself.

So, I have now touched down on new soil, hence the long absence. I'm back in Asia, in South Korea and a few weeks into my year here. It's been quite an auspicious start (is that the right word?). Within the first week I flooded a toilet in a restaurant, smashed a beer in the convenience store and went shopping with no money. In the second week I jammed some coins in the machine you dance on (aka the 'dance-a-tron' maybe?) and found a large knife in my post box. This week I fell asleep on a train and went flying passed my stop and today I was attacked by a rat at the bus stop. SO in all in all it should be an interesting year if it carries on this way.

What can I say about Korea. The buses are almost death mobiles, the drivers in general are all maniacs. Red light? Ahh, let's run it and hope for the best. The transport is darn well cheap as chips. For their price you can throw in some fish as well. The food on the whole is pretty good. Don't think I have eaten dog yet but have dipped into a bit of raw beef. Delicacy don't cha know.

I keep walking around making several comparisons with Japan, seeing as they are nearly neighbours and all, and strangely they are completely different, but I'll leave the differences for when I am completely uninspired and simply write a long list.

Oh, but I have been keeping up with the news a lot more. I know that Greenland can now grow potatoes because of global warming. Oh yeah.

Gosh, it's been a while. Have you missed me? Oh, don't cry, I'm back now. There there. Yes.

I've just been, like, sooooo busy man. I leave for South Korea next week, and I have sooooo much to do and soooooo little time. I think for the first time in my life I am feeling a little stressed. Or pumped with excitement. Can't decide.

My hair has been a little transformed which is good. It's been cut, so it looks a lot healthier, and I have also died it so it appears to have this etheral glow about it ... yes, I am special.

I'm sorry, I can't think what to write. I am so on edge I can't concentrate on anything. Off to a wedding this weekend and when that has finished I will be ready to realx for two days before jetting off. Everything is happening too soon and I am so unprepared. The embassey has still got my passport as well, keeping my fingers crossed that comes back in time or else I am screwed, royally screwed. The bank isn't paying me any money back because they are waiting for the general ruling in the court (I think with the Ombudsman and FSA?) and I am owed three weeks job seekers allowance which they have today told me I can't have because my application was filled out incorrectly. What the fuck? You go in there and they go through it with you, so HOW is it filled out incorrectly? Haven't got my outfit for the wedding, have to buy that tomorrow. They paid my wages for temping into the wrong bank account so I don't have access to it, it all sucks. Work is constantly taking the piss out of everything I do and it's draining me, but at the same time it is the only thing that has been keeping me alive.

So busy, so little time to amuse. Hearty apologies ...

The time on the microwave reads 6:01. That means it's been six hours and 1 minute since the flash powercut.

I was studiously watching the advert for Cillit Bang today. Were I an affluential house owner, I would definitely have that in my cleaning cupboard. But then a thought struck me. It showed two perfectly manicured fingers dipping a 1p coin into Cillit Bang, and the half that was dipped came out bright and shiny, oooo, so beautiful! I think all banks and shops should clean all their money! Think how beautiful Britain would be then. Beautiful Britain, with its shiny coins, known the world over for the care it takes with it's money. When you paid for something, it would be like receiving a present when you get your shiny coin back. As a nation (yes, I speak for all of us) we might silently think or comment aloud 'that's a shiny coin'. It could make some people's days and the world would be a happier place. Therefore I make a motion that all places dealing with money should have a vat of Cillit Bang somewhere in the back room to clean up their coins. Oh, and maybe an iron for the notes. Yes.

It's been luuuurvely weather today. The bright sunshine, the light breeze that was strong enough to knock over the tall, sweet-scented, stand alone plants that feature on the concrete part of the garden, and the cloudless sky. Oh, if only there had been a full roast dinner to go with that with a choice of three different meats and the day would have been complete. As it was I ate a Thai curry, which until now I did forget about but it was extremely tasty.

So, I am off to do some cleaning and ironing, slaters.

I sat here thinking, hmm, maybe I should write a serious piece for a change. Pah! Who needs serious, life is too serious in every possible way with its mortgages, debts, taxes, work. So my piece about on-line shopping has now been put on the backburnerD. Grateful? Uh-huh.

Ooooo, I know, let's talk about shopping! No, football! No, shopping! No, football! No, shopping. Ha! See what I did there? Do ya? Hmm, I'm not convinced.

C'mon folks! Let's think up, up, up not down, down, down! I know! Let's think hot air balloons! Although hot air balloons now either remind me of the story by Ian McEwan, Enduring Love (also a film) where the guy dies by trying to hold onto a balloon and as he drops to the floor his body kind of folds into itself, eeew (good book though) and it also reminds me of Richard Branson and his Virgin company. Neither of which are positive.

Lets pretend we are in a balloon. Let's pretend we are sky sailing over green pastures or cityscapes. Let's pretend the day is warm, the sun is shining, the sky is brilliant, bathroom blue, but yet some mother nature perfectly moulded bright white clouds perforate our sky. We are high above it all with not a care in the world with loved ones, friends, family, and the pet rabbit that won't stop trying to burrow in the floor of the basket. Ahh, blissful days.

Aren't cha all happy now?

'High on a hill on a lonely tree top' ... are they the words? That's what I always sing anyway. I used to have my own words to Phantom of the Opera too, gliding around the house singing, deciding I belong on stage. The stars in the sky were glittering, as was my pinkish/peach star on that road in L.A. Oh, everything just felt so right.

When does a dream stop becoming a dream? I don't think it ever does. I mean, I would love to appear in the West End now as Mary Poppins (of course, I'd be great). Or maybe the lead in Chicago, oh, what a foxy chick I'd make caked in make-up and leather.

Hmm, maybe I could make it as a leading designer. Ha, you normal people you, I'm going to design some unwearable, unpractical, ridiculously overpriced piece of clothing and you, my friends, are going to wear the high street cheap copies and when I walk through the streets of London I'm going to hide my smirk behind my hand as I watch you all go past, unable to walk in your absurdly high heels, clashing oranges and pinks. Yeah.

Is a blog a spot to moan, that's all I ever seem to end up doing! I'm not too into fashion, but I love the tops at the moment because they are really long, and being tall it's about time I can buy a t-shirt without worrying that my itsy bitsy wine belly will be flaunted to the world. ARRGGGHHH! People would've screamed and pointed! What is that?! ARRGGGHHH! It's the attack of the blob! Oh, don't be so down on yourself, I hear you willing me to reassure myself. Jeez, I was simply exaggerating. I've got an average, wibbly belly. Hoo-fucking-rah.

EXIT

Oh my good lord, I have just been bitten by a mosquito on each arm, and I do feel it was the same one! The cheek of the little blood sucker. There it perches, happily on my arm and I feel a sharp sting, look down and lo and behold there is something sharing my blood, through my cardigan I might add! Five minutes later, I am sat here and feel another shapr sting, this time on the right arm, and lo and behold, there he is again! What a filthy beast (even though it does have good taste

Oh, excellent, I have just noticed all the smilies.

Whoah! It's a techno dancer. He's at a rave.

I was actually gonna sit here and think of a witty line for each one, but I might save that for the weekend, don't want to overload your poor readers.

I hate having an insect on me, because then you just feel itchy for ages afterwards. Every slight move and you twat yourself with your hand causing unneccesary pain and effort. Suddenly there are a thousand creepy crawlies all over your body, you're itching your head and generally cosntantly shifting in your seat. See, I am itching an eye brow now. Before it was my back.

The other day I put on my PJ's and what do I feel crawling? No, not an orangutan. A spider. One of those small, fast, brownish, triangular shaped body ones. Oh, that's just crawled on me body. So then of course I had to go and shake various other items of clothing just for the hell of it, you know, why not eh?! It gives me the creeps

The worst is lying in bed, and looking up and noticing something crawling. So you put the light on and the spider increases in size and it just happens to be above your head but you don't want to move it in case it drops on the bed and you lose it so you get the vacuum and suck the bastard up. This may sound a wee bit cruel but I am not wanting to encourage Mr or Mrs spider to crawl on me in my sleep, thanks very much

Oh ggooooooooodddddddddd. Now my freakin' ear is itching.

Anyway, gonna go again before I overdo the smiley usage. Over and out.