Hmm, I promised amusing things and nothing much amusing has been written, though I do find it mildly so, and that's what important.

Strolling around Sainsburys in the fresh produce aisle, and some poor person took out a plastic bag, put two carrots in it and they dropped right through and fell onto the ground. So suprised was I that I laughed quite loudly without meaning to, it just erupted from me so fast that I felt a bit mean afterwards. Then I thought they should do that more often. Put in a whole load of plastic bags with no bottoms and see what people do. Man, I should write for one of those sketch shows. Channel 4 here I come. Or maybe Big Bro, you get more money that way. Oh lordy, I'm as shallow as a paddling pool!

I don't know why I write this time of the night, it's almost like time to go to sleep, lets stretch it out a bit longer. And then I have to read a chapter of my good before I sleep otherwise it never gets read. I'm trying to be stern with my routine. Eat, sleep, eat, sleep. There sometimes just isn't enough time in the day to do everything.

You may have noticed my tongue in cheek type humour. If you haven't, then I suggest you don't read anymore, because it means you don't get me and you don't get life. Choose life and try to understand. Either way, with my tongue in my cheek I'm constantly spitting. Rah.

Trying to think of other amusing things now. Why is it when under pressure you can never think of anything, so now I am thinking my life's dull even though it's no way near. Ish. If I try and think about what I laughed at today, I can't pinpoint anything but I know it's been a good day.

A girl I went to school was pretty miserable (sorry, onto that again) and she never really, honestly laughed. You know, when you throw your head back, you can't breathe and everything sets you off. I love people with infectious laughs. The best is when you aren't supposed to be laughing and you end up making weird snort noises. When I was in school, my French teacher sent me out for laughing. My friends and I had already been split up and sat in four corners of the room. She asked for my homework and I started laughing and I couldn't stop. She sent me out. So I sat outside, huddled in the corridor between the wall and a row of lockers, praying the head of year didn't walk past.

I do remember my head of year having a go at me once, for having my tie tucked into my shirt. I mean, it was all the rage, everyone was doing it. The next time he saw me he apologised. What was the point of that? I have no respect for people in authority when they can't do their job properly. If you're gonna have a go at me (ok, so I might have given some lip back) at least stand by it. As a teacher, and head of year, don't apologise unless you think you are in the wrong. You could say he felt bad because I was generally a good student (well, I wasn't beating people unconscious or kicking holes in doors), but still, stand by what you say. Oh, the kicking in the door thing - that was a good student too, honestly. He got expelled. But we'll keep the drug dealers and the bullys in, because they give the school their good reputation. How messed up is that?

Last day of school. Lets give prizes to all the people in the year that make everyone else's life a misery. To be honest, I didn't really notice they were doing that until someone piped up that's what it was. It was the same teacher I mentioned before, wanting to keep people on his good side, wanting to be popular. Who cares if the idiots like you? Reward the people that give the school the reputation (pretty average!) and get the good grades and that generally behave!

I was always awful for homework. Especially maths. Always completing it when I got into school late, drawing parallelograms under the desk when the register was being taken. Well, obviously in my book. Chewing gum goes under the table.

Is it true that if you swallow chewing gum it stays in your stomach for seven years? Hmm, I'll have to Wikipedia that one.

Ok then, time for sleep. Slater. (The last word is a sign of how cool I am and how 'down with the kids' I am. Yes sirreee! This one shows how I'm not. See, again, contradictions!).

PS - I can never be bothered to edit these things. I re-read the other posts and think OH MY GOD. Well, more like oh my god. But it's such an effort, you know. And I've already explained how bisy my life is and that I am unemployed and I find I have no time for nowt except procrastinator. I am self employed and work for 'Sloths-R-Us'.