a-musing

I just had a flashback of being at school. In fact, now several are rolling in.

I remember sports day. Year 10 I think it was. As a class we had to allocate different people to represent the different sports. The girls were exceedingly outnumbered by the boys, so instead of opting out I was gently prompted into doing the high jump. Because I was tall. Yes, that is how sport works. If you are tall you can do the high jump. If you have big leg muscles you can do the 100m. If you are stupid you can do the cross-country run (remind me of that one later, another great story).

So there I am. Amoungst seven other girls, each representing their class. Secretely excited, and also secretely thinking I've got this one in the bag. I looked around. There were a few shorter than me, a few a bit heavier. Yeah, no problem. And what happened? The infallible scissor action let me down. No, it wasn't the fact I was extremely unfit and hadn't attempted the high jump for about two years. I came 7th. SEVENTH. Out of 8 people. All the shorter and heavier people beat me. See, that's what happens when you get cocky, you become unstuck and the scissor legs let you down.

Now back to cross country. The most stupid thing to do for PE, because most people walk round the route and end up being late for the next class. So anyway, school being school they chose to do it on a day when there had been some heavy rain, maybe in the morning or the day before. It was a time when it was 'cool' to not tie the laces on your trainers, so a lot had them tucked into their shoe. So of course, we all run over a muddy patch. Except no-one is running because it's so muddy. In fact, people are stopping to exchange mild conversation about how shit this lesson was. See, complaining gets you nowhere - in fact, it gets you stuck in the mud. Because, unbeknown (is that a word?) to the complainers, they were mildly sinking and slowly becoming stuck. Then it came time to move on and move their feet. And what happened? Oh, the legs moved no problem, it was the shoes that were stuck. I remember someone asking me as I squelched past to help them. Fuck that, I wasn't stopping for anyone for fear I would get stuck too. Oh, those weren't the days.

I do remember playing hockey. There were several divisions of boys and girls clases. While the boys played rugby, cricket and football, we played netball, hockey and basketball. I got so angry (I tend to get mildly competitive when playing games, you honestly might not recognise my normally mild-mannered self), I was shouting up the cement pitch (sometimes we played on grass, sometimes concrete) which pissed a few people off, I didn't realise at the time, people came up to me afterwards and asked me what the hell did I think I was doing, and I hit my hockey stick on the ground and broke it. Poor, wooden stick. What's even funnier is that I was pretty average in everything at school. I wasn't really disliked, I was pretty meek, not a horrible person but not a push-over either. So when these 'tough' (aka stupid idiots) start asking me who did I think I was giving them orders on the pitch, I actually couldn't believe it. Of course, at the time, I slinked away, it wasn't worth it, but looking back now I chuckle, I must have got them quite irrate. Amusing. The meek girl is shouting at the tough girls. Ho ho ho.

I was good at the javelin. Think that was because my arms were long. Nothing about skill. Jeez, I've already told you how sport works.

Cringe.

A word teenagers use but something I do very often. Sometimes I get flash backs to things I said/did and my body seems to shrink as I wish I could take that moment back. I wish I was one of those people that this didn't happen to. They stretch back as far as school up til now. Why oh why did I do that/say that. I mean, the moment is fleeting, I don't dwell on it, but it's there all the same. Probably monthly, so bo biggie. I must confess, mostly when I have been drunk. Logical thought goes out the window, you don't notice things you normally do, until the true light of day hits, and slowly, with friends serving as prompts, things start to gradually hit you. But, there is always reassurance, as chances are everyone else was as drunk as you and is not worrying about you did, but what they did. A vicious, unneccesary circle!

I have a mix of cringeworthy moments, like dancing on speakers like an idiot (the least cringey, and in all fairness, maybe not at all) to abusing others whilst is seems like everyone else is sleeping but actually they are hearing everything you are saying, and remind you, not in times of need, exactly what you said.

Someone told me you shouldn't regret anything you've done. I don't regret it. I just have moments when I am fleetingly embarrased. It doesn't affect my day to day life, before you therapists get onto the case.

And speaking of therapy, etc, does it really work? How do you know when you are cured? Is there a cure? I suppose therapists is extremely Americanised of me. I do apologise. Form here on in we shall refer to them as counsellors or psychologists, depending on how my mood takes me.

If I were a counsellor I would find it hard not to go to sleep. Late nights and such taking their toll. Unless someone had a very interesting problem. Oh, that sounds bad eh?

You see, I think I know a lot about myself as a person. I love hearing things about me, good or bad. I take criticism extremely well, so long as it's not needlessly malicious. I take on board suggestions, I won't use all of them. My friends are always going on about my hair. All friends. I wake up, shower and wash my hair, and let it dry within the wilds of the natural wind. Sometimes it dries excellently, other times, well, it dries a bit horribly. You see, my hair has a natural curl, nothing corkscrew or excellent like that, more of a wave if you like. When it's humid it goes much curlier, and when it rains lightly also. If I am going out, I might straighten it. But I often forget about my hair on a day to day basis. Until I go to the toilet, when I might glance in the mirror and think what the hell happened here? Two seconds later it's forgotton until I next look in the mirror. Someone suggested why not have it chemically straightened. No, I don't want to. Who wants dull, straight hair every day? Someone else suggested making it more curlier; I really can't be arsed, you know?

Anyway, enough is enough is enough, I can't go on, I can't go on now baby ...

Back again.

A bit early tonight. Maybe I should come back later.

It's weird the differences you notice between the day and the night. When I go smoking at night, because the world has quietened down, I hear the back door creak as I open it so go out for a cigarette. It's something I only notice in the evening, because I always think I am somehow squashing the dog, or some extra house inhabitant, like a mouse. But during the day I don't hear it. I also see a lot more frogs and mice at night. Guess they aren't scared to pop out of their dwellings. Now the cat has passed onto the fluffy clouds high up in the sky there are lots more four legged species roaming the garden.

I remember when the cat brought in a mouse once, and played with it. It was awful to watch, but also fascinating. It then properly killed it and ate it, and you could hear it munching on the bones. Reminded me of when I used to live in Battersea. It was a bit of an old, decrepid house. Moss green carpets, the strangest wicker sofa ever and mismatched furniture. Well, we had a mouse. So we fed it quavers. I know, I know, stupid thing to do. But we turned the telly off and you could hear it munching. I think it liked the melt in your mouth cheesy sensation, because the next day there were two of the buggers, and so of course we had to exterminate. But despite being vermin they were cute!

I've got a raving headache today. I'm addicted to coke (that's Coca-Cola if you don't mind!) and drink several cans a day. So today, having had none, withdrawel symptons have kicked in. In the end I stopped the cold turkey and shot to Tesco and purchased more. I guess it's like coffee. I've heard the same thing happens with that, though I can't say for sure because it gives me a dodgy tum and I get scared of farting ...

Mmm, just eaten a bag of monster munch, tasty! Oh, and I have just learnt/learned (?) how to burn a CD! I know, I am slightly behind with the times. It's great! I can now put all my favourite songs onto one CD and play them over and over again until I get sick of them, but then I can compile a new CD! I win every time!

Oh, and another thing. Cloud 9 is supposed to be happy right? I jsut wondered why it isn't cloud 7, seeing as 7 is a generally accepted lucky number? Or is it that luck and happiness are very different? Gosh, one just isn't sure is one?

I love flip-flops. Flip-flops are without doubt my favourite shoe. Being tall, it means my friends nearly reach the same height as me which is a bonus. And they are cheap, and you have no problem with them not fitting either. Although I was wearing flip-flops when I was running, tripped over a curb and instead of putting two hands down I put one hand and my face (see post below for results - 8 stitches between my eyes if you can't be arsed). But they were strange flip flops, and it was obviously my fault for not seeing the curb in the first place (it was dark - and no, I wasn't drunk).

Wow, I am still wide awake, I could go on for hours and hours and hours.

Something midly amusing. This story is thanks to a friend. When I was teaching in Japan, one guy used to go into his classroom every time and say 'hello chaps'. Eventually, he started getting complaints, and when it was looked into it turned out the students thought he was saying 'hello Japs'! Har har, worth a mention.

My toes are now cold, which is the only problem with wearing flip-flops. I even wore flip-flops to a wedding once. Looking back now I am slightly embarrased, but hey-ho. Everyone kept looking at my feet, although I wasn't sure if they were looking at my shoes or the blood blister on my big toe (again, from the same fall as mentioned earlier). Maybe I should have put a tick box on my forehead to resolve the issue. Got another wedding this summer, won't be wearing flip-flops. Gotta find an outfit though, bit nervous about that. Money, money, money. The good thing is there are loads of dresses around at the moment so it shouldn't be too hard to find something nice. I'm just worried I'll have the same dress as someone else, that would be annoying!

Anyhow, off I trot. Ta ta.