Yep, it's that time of night.
Hmm, any inspiration from moi? Going out for a ciggy - to take a moment and breathe in some of that fresh, tar filled air - and to ponder my smal place in this big, big world. Man, being deep really isn't me.
So now I am back, I was flooded with things to write now I've forgotton them all. But for some reason I was pretending I had my own radio show, maybe on Radio 2 when I am in my thirties, and I was talking about Take That. I imagined myself saying the saddest one of them all is the ex-member, Robbie. Yes, he's the richest, but he's not really a real person. In interviews he's very much jack the lad, ooohh, I'm an entertainer. But yet he's been in re-hab (I think?) and just never really seems content with life, griping about something. Personally I think his ego is quite big. And the other members of TT seem quite happy. Personally, I don't own anything recorded by TT, they just aren't my thing, but they are enjoying their renewed fame and fair play to them. See, deep really isn't me (and that was a song by East 17 anyway - hey, these groups were part of my youth!!).
I often imagine my future, where I will be and what I'll be doing. Definitely not in England. I hate the pressure of being amoungst other Brits, do this, do that, wear this, wear that. Argh! Take me to a place where fashion is not on the forefront. I'd rather spend my money socialising, a person of the people, getting to know others and finding out what makes them tick.
I would ideally like to be writing something, hence I am doing this now, as a log for what I am thinking - inspirational, but only for me! But I just don't have the dedication right now. I find my brain works faster than what I can type (as I guess do most peoples') and then when it comes to penning thoughts on the computer (paper is just sooo last year) I forget and my mind goes blank and I get distracted. Therefore I don't in any consider myself to be a writer at the moment. I think a writer is someone who makes money with their craft, it's their job. I can say writing is one of my hobbies, that's ok. But mention that you have ever written something to someone and they all assume now that you are a writer. I'm not. Neither am I a photographer, but I love taking photos. Both areas (writing and photography) need plenty of work, more practice and dedication.
My ideal job would have been a war photographer. I guess that sounds bad. War, of course, isn't a good thing (slightly underestimated but I can't quite think of a proper alternative right now), but it fascinates me. I don't know what part, it's nothing specific. I read the autobiography of Don McCullin, a news photographer. Of course it doesn't sound glamorous or safe, but a bit on the edge. Adrenalin pumping without being in the actual line of fire unless you really put yourself out on a limb (and maybe lose a limb in the process). And I guess this ties in with feelings of wanting to be a journalist too, but I don't know enough about the world to write anything of substance. In fact, sometimes I think I don't know anything. And also for journalism you have to have a real passion for a story, hunting it down at all costs and I just don't have the drive. So ideally a photojournalist. Guess I could've just said that eh?
Whenever there are debates I always have lots of questions. I like the people that take the time to answer the questions. Oh my god, what annoys me is when you ask a simple question, and get a lengthy reply back full of extra information that you didn't want to know so you switch off and never actually hear the answer to the question. Or, when people are having a discussion and all they want is to get their opinion heard so they don't answer your question.
I think I (don't we all, I guess) learn a lot from discussing subjects. You might hear something about a subject you didn't know before, or simply hear someone else's opinion. But please, people, don't talk at me 'cause I'm not stupid, and don't lie to me if you don't know the answer.
Ahh, that brings me to another point. When you're growing up, and you ask parents/adults a question, they often tease you with something that isn't the right answer. Now, you may laugh, but you also take it seriously. And that stays with you. Be honest with children, is all I can say. I can't think of any specifics now, but imagine being a child on the school playground. A child is still convinced at the age of 10 the moon is made of cheese. The poor thing might get the shit kicked out of him for being so stupid. I mean, Father Christmas is ok. Sometimes I am still convinced he is real. What did I just write? Ok, so slinking back to my carefree, childhood days!
It's only when you are older, at Christmas time, sitting on Santa's knee that you realise there is a Santa in every shop in the high street - how does he get everywhere in one day? Bet I didn't ask that question, probably too focused on trying to convince Santa I had been good that Christmas and would he please, please, drop off the barbie in the chimney, many thanks.
Oh, time to go. Early night tonight. Erm, kinda ... !!